


Zandy Meets the MP Fairy

by Quandisa



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Dubious Consent, F/F, First Time Blow Jobs, Floor Sex, Handcuffs, Hermaphrodites, Magic Penis Fairy - Freeform, Reenie's ass, Toddler Peri, Vaginal Sex, expanding penis, nose boops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-04-18 00:10:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14200647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quandisa/pseuds/Quandisa
Summary: On the way back from the corner store Zandy helps a man being bullied in an alley. She's left with the promise she'll regret being involved. Now she has a little problem that Reenie absolutely can't know about.





	Zandy Meets the MP Fairy

Zandy had been kicked out to buy snacks and wine to finish the weekend and was now walking back on the winter broken sidewalk. It was nice to get out and stretch her legs, though she doubted the laundry would actually be hung up by the time she returned. She was admiring the peeling paint off the window frames when she heard a scuffle in the upcoming alley.

With trepidation, and her phone out, she crept to the corner and peered around. A large, burly man was backed against the wall, his tutu being roughed up by the grime stained bricks. A waifish woman was screaming at him, fists raised against the terrified man.

“Hey! Leave him alone! I’ve already called the police!” 

The red-head woman spit on the ground. 

“Stay out of this! You don’t know what he’s done!”

“No, and I don’t care! It’s against the law to threaten, intimidate, or do bodily harm to someone!”

“Fine! Have it your way, but I’m warning you, you’ll regret it!” The woman stomped out of the alley and up street.

“Oh thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” Zandy found herself being crushed by hairy arms. “That mean ole lady was going to hurt me and all because I was trying to help!” He released his savior. “I’ll share my magic with you!” From somewhere he produced an oddly shaped wand and bopped Zandy’s nose with it.

“No need to thank me! It’s my pleasure!”

In a flash of green smoke the man was gone and Zandy fell to her knees as a blinding pain ripped through her groin. The wine bottles rolled out as she gripped herself, tears ran down her cheeks, teeth gnashing. But it only lasted a minute and the pain was gone, leaving strange sensation like her inner lips were being pulled down with a weight.

“Oh, I don’t like this.” But staring down one’s pants was considered rude in a public space in broad daylight, so she gathered her spilled goods and rushed home, the weight in her pants making movement awkward as it bounced off her thighs.

Once inside she slammed the door and tossed the bags on the chair near the blonde lounging on the couch.

“Hey babe-”

The bathroom door was slammed behind her. She hastened to remove her jeans and was shocked to find something waiting for her.

“Holy hell! I have a dick!” 

The wrinkled thing lay there in her curly patch like some alien thing. She knew she should probably inspect it, but the thing utterly repulsed her.

“This has to be a dream. I’ll just ignore it and it’ll go away.”

There was a knock.

“Hey, everything okay in there? You need some toilet paper or something?”

_ Shit!  _ Reenie couldn’t find out! There’s no way she’d let it go!

“I’m good! Just one too many coffees this morning!”

“It’s like 3 in the afternoon.”

“Lot of coffee! Just go enjoy your whatever!”

“Mmm, ‘k.”

The room grew quiet. She still had a penis.

“Gah!” Now her had sweated through her blouse. “Maybe it’ll wash off.”

Checking to make sure the blonde she lived with was distracted she tiptoed past to grab a change of clothes, hoping a billowy skirt would disguise her new growth.

“Hug attack!” For the second time, Zandy found herself in the grips of a well meaning person who was clueless. Reenie’s breast were soft against her back, but they seemed nicer than usual and her new member really liked them.

“Ah! Why aren’t you wearing a bra?!”

“It’s the weekend. I never wear a bra on the weekend. You rarely do. In fact, like me help you out of those clothes.” The blonde took a step forward ready with a helpful hand. Zandy stepped back and darted around her to the door.

“I’m good! Just gonna take a shower!” Her voice cracked with nerves.

“Oo, playing hard to get? You know I’ll get in those panties one way or another.”

Reenie was right. She had a habit of getting what she wanted, and having a one track mind.

“Your butt is looking finer than usual. I think that new workout is working.” 

Reenie turned to check herself out.

“You think? I wasn’t sure. My pants were fitting tighter so I was cursing those cookies of yours. You know I can’t say no to something dark, bitter, and secretly sweet.”

“I think you’re firmer up and building muscle.”

“Yeah? Well, I guess you’ll need a closer inspection.”  Turning she started to lower her shorts.

“After!” Zandy sounded like a panicked teenage boy. “Sh-shower! Gonna-me take-! Shower!” Her heart was racing like a jacket rabbit and that thing in her pants was very interested in seeing a toned tush.

“Why do I have to wait for you to get cleaned if we’re just going to get dirty?”

“Got swamp butt! Lots of humidity!”

“Oh, ew. Yeah. I’m gonna finish up my report and see if any good reruns are on.”

_ Saved!  _

“Sounds like a plan! Later!”

Finally, she was able to escape into the bathroom, and turned the shower on to calm her nerves. The encounter had distracted her so she had forgotten how much she was dreading seeing the thing again. Conventional wisdom told her that when something went wrong with her body if she left it alone it would heal. Unless it was something that required a doctor.

_ What if it’s permanent?! _

“Ew! Ew! Ew!”  _ I mean, it’ll be easier to pee, but, I’ll never get accustomed to it. _

Nothing was getting done, and the water was turning cold. 

“Maybe a cold shower is just what I need.” She saved her lower clothes for last.  _ But males do have longer refractory times. If I finish in the shower, maybe- _ “No, just no. I don’t want anything to do with the thing.”

So Zandy took a lukewarm shower while thinking about pedophiles and taking a brief stock of her current situation, preferring to ignore it.

When she ran out of excuses she tried to think in some activity she could distract herself with that won’t arouse suspicion and end in sex.

There was nothing.

“Why do I have to be saddled with a sex maniac?!” 

Combing back her hair she decided the safest course of action was working in the kitchen and laundry rooms.

She tried to focus on the dishes, while activating her ninja skills to blend into the background. 

Alas, for every good plan, there’s a crazy naked person.

“Hey, my ass is getting cold. If you were playing with yourself in there, you should have invited me to watch.”

Reenie was lounging on her belly, bare bottom on display while she scanned through some document on her laptop.

Maybe Zandy could pretend she was a tree. A sad tree that spontaneously grew in the dining room.

“Hurry up! I need you to check the bounce, smack, and jiggle factor of my ass and compare it to previous data. Otherwise I’m not spending anymore on that overpriced cheerleader.”

“Uhhhh… How-how about a game? I wear a blindfold, and earplugs, and you wear handcuffs, and I can blow you.”

“Why? Sounds like something a gay dude would do if he was still trying to be straight.”

“Uh, I don’t know. Uh, I thought that, um, it would be hotter for me to be forced imagine it-you with so few cues.”

“And handcuffs?”

“It would just be me giving me pleasure, and hand cuffs are hot?”

“Yeah, but it takes forever to cum if it’s just your mouth.”

“I could do other stuff!”

“We could 69. Those little sounds you make are better than any paid hooker in a porno screaming her fool head off.” Those eyes meant Reenie liked her idea, a lot, with was trouble for Zandy.  

“Or-or! Um, I could put on one of your suits and we could play Sexual Harassment Office Edition!”

“Hmm, tempting but, I don’t really want to put more clothes on.” Turning she spread her legs over the back of the couch, and stretched her arms above, moving her breasts up into the straps of her tank top putting a plethora of flesh on display. “Come on, my steel cold babe. Let’s add some stains to the couch and some rug burns on my back.”

The brunette stuttered like tongue-tied freshmen, looking for an exit since her mind was failing her.

“I love it when you’re awkward as fuck.” Those long fingers rubbed circles at the top of her slit. “Come on, let zexy Reenie turn you 69 shades of cherry.”

“I have to take a nap!!!” Zandy ran for the bedroom and locked the room, but it was no use! Reenie beat her and wearing her birthday makeup. 

“Good thinking,” She slotted herself against Zandy soothing her dripping brow, “wouldn’t want any  _ interruptions.”  _ Her thigh tried get between the knees of the woman seconds away from a heart attack. Meeting resistance she tried a more passive tactic and fell, nude, into Zandy’s arms, weighing her down and dropping them both to the ground, the blonde smugly in Zandy’s lap.

“Why do you want in my pants so bad?!”

“Well, it’s so cozy in there. Warm, with great hill views, a little creek that runs through it, and it’s exclusive access. Where else would I want to be?” 

“Are you describing my vulva or a vacation house?”

“Yes,” Reenie leaned in to kiss her, and felt  _ it _ against her chest. “Oh! Hello! And here you were playing coy! Dirty thing, teasing me like that! I’m going to spank you silly later.” Words and kisses were tattooed into her collar bone.

“Reenie, I really think this is bad idea.”

“That’s my middle name!” She tossed the blue skirt up and while her lover scrambled to push it down her underwear was ripped open. “Woah. That wasn’t there this morning! Looks tasty.”

The thing stood strong and tall, proud to be free at last.

“There was a guy in an alley, and then, I don’t know! Let’s just leave it alone and hopes it goes away!”

“Or,” she ran a finger between her testicles, and up the shaft, “I help this poor little owling. It’s got a sparse, nest and is trying to hatch its eggs. I think it needs a skilled hand.

“Hey, you still have your hidey hole?”

“I don’t know!”

“Come on! It’s your body!”

“Not that bit!”

“I don’t see it attached to anyone else!”

“I hate it! Stupid thing is weird, and gross, and won’t stop doing that!”

“It’s just happy to see me.” She lifted the ball sack. “Oh, hey! There it is! Congratulations, you’re a hermaphrodite!  I wonder if you have a prostate.” Sticking a finger in, she turned it around and felt the walls.

“Reenie, I don’t see how any of this will help. I just want it gone.”

“Calm your tits, and your dick. Reenie will use her special powers to make it small again. Well, smaller. On the shy side of average, I’d say.” She bit her tongue in concentration. 

“Good! Less to worry abo-ah!”

“Bingo! I found it!”

“Wha-?!What?!” There was a bump on the front wall of her honey hole that sent intense sensation through her when the blonde rubbed it.

“Now you have a prostate to play with! Oh goodie! I can’t wait, but first,” she turned her attention back to the growth, “so much to do. Where to start?”

“A cold shower?”

“Mm,” she licked her blood red lips, “Oh, I have better planned than that.”

“Reenie,” Zandy whined” What if it’s contagious?”

“Risk I’m willing to take.”

“But the-ah!” The unruly organ was engulfed in hard, heat of the blonde’s mouth. The slight edge of teeth filled her with panic but the pull of suction was the first good thing that had happened that day since she got a free cup of coffee. The tongue still felt odd.

“Mmm,”the hum traveled down the flesh and up her spine, as Reenie popped off. “So clean. You showered just for me didn’t you?” Her cheek nuzzled the inside of the brunette’s thigh.

“O-of course I didn’t! I went in there to think!”

“You mean you rubbed one off without me!” She cried disappointed.

“Can you possibly imagine such a thing?!”

“That flush on your breast is making it easier.” Fingers massage her scrotum. It was sensation she couldn’t describe and her penis was weeping from it’s tip.

“You’re gonna make it worse, you love-puddle of coke whore!”

“You don’t have to flatter me. I was gonna fuck you anyway.” The blonde suckled the wet tip, then crawled up and shoved her tongue deep past Zandy’s lips. The salty, sour taste repulsed her, so she tried to escape but Reenie was everywhere.

“Don’t you just love the way you taste?” A knee pressed against her. This was getting painful.

“No. I hate it. How could you possibly find any of this appealing?”

“Because it’s part of you, and I love you, so I must love it.” She flicked the tip of Zandy’s nose.

“I’m not loving your rancid panties.”

“You said panties! Fuck time!” Shooting up off her elbows, she straddled the brunette’s hips and held herself open.

“Reenie!” It was the only thing she could say with so many emotions overwhelming her at once.

“What, june bug?”

“What if you get pregnant?”

“We’ll send it to Harvard. Now buckle in, you’re going for a ride.” Slowly, she lowered herself a tight, moist inferno surrounded the organ, it felt right, and she wanted to crawl away, only  to find escape impossible. “It’s okay. Just a hug.” The muscles squeeze her, which turned her brain off for a microsecond. “Such a shame you won’t last.” 

“R-Reenie, you’re making it worse!”

“Worse or better?”Circling her hips as she licked her lips.

Zandy moaned.. “W-w-worse! I’m going to explode!”

“Good! Always been curious about how it would feel. Swoon! You’re the first one to be inside me like this! I’m so shy!” Her dramatic flare was ruined by her hands kneaded the brunette's breasts. “Now, cum now. Be a good girl for Reenie.”

“Fuck you!”

“Well, fuck you too!” She flicked the erect, rosy tissue. “Fuckie, fuck, fuck!”

Then Zandy exploded. A little. It felt more like she was swelling.

“Woah! Where’s my big splash? What the-? What are you doing down there?!” Reaching down, the blonde examined the base of her cock. Unsatisfied, she sat up. The flesh had grown in size, and turned a purplish hue. 

“See?! You did make it worse!”

“Or better? At least now it’s a average size. Mm, I wonder...” Before Zandy could make make any suggestions that filthy mouth was on her again, the heat making her hiss through her teeth. This was torture and all she could think about was how she was going to explain this at work on Monday morning.

Like before she felt the pressure build and build until it squirted a little, but this time Reenie swallowed it down and pulled off to see it swell up in size.

She giggled. “I have my very own, customizable Zandy dick! I must be the luckiest girl in the world!”

“Somebody shoot me,” Zandy groaned, slowly accepting her Fate.

“Calm down. Reenie will make it better.” She licked a fat strip up the underside of her woman-man meat.

“You definitely make things worse!” Zandy threw her arm over her eyes, hoping to wake up soon.

“You’re the eternal pessimist.” Fingers were slowing twisting in out and out of her slick passage, as she was swallowed. Reenie’s mouth worked her in ways she hadn’t known before. Try as she might, it was already overwhelming and she was so sensitive. She came twice quickly and grew more to what she could only describe as porn sized.

“Zandy! You’re missing the fun! Which is amazing. How does one get a blow job and not enjoy it?” The blonde laid herself over her prey. “You truly are a marvel, aren’t you?” 

The brunette felt a flick on the tip of her nose, she peeked out from under her arm.

“You’re part demon.”

“Maybe, but since you’ve been such a bad girl you have to wear your bracelets.” Seemingly, from the air she pull forth handcuffs and bound the woman’s hands above her head, fed around a dresser leg. “That’s what you get for keeping secrets!”

“This is exactly the reason I kept it a secret! It’s getting bigger! I’m going to be stuck like this forever!”

“So?” Reenie was lining herself up.

“So! It’s terrible! I don’t want it!”

“You worry too much.”

“How am I going to walk?”

“You’ll retire as porn star, but I have to be your partner in every scene.” Carefully, she impales herself, “Oh, that’s good.”

“Bitch.”

“That’s right, talk dirty to me. We need a camera, and a fuck machine.” Raising her hips, the blonde pleasured herself to the moans below her. It didn’t seem like ever going to end. Up and down, up and down. The grew and her member swelled and ached until Reenie could no longer stay on for the girth, but she had long been sated. 

“Wow! It’s a big as a leg! How much bigger can it get?”

“Maybe I should see a doctor.” Zandy sobbed through her tears.

“Or, hand job!”

“No!”

“No?”

“NO!”

“Shoot. Maybe we can get ice cream later.” 

“What?”

The penis continued to grow without stimulation.

“Since mommy is still sleeping. I’m sure she’s enjoying having that saline pumped directly in.”

“The hell you talking about?!”

“You want chocolate mint?”

“I DON’T WANT ICE CREAM! I WANT THIS DICK GONE!” 

The force of her scream strained her throat, and a croak gets out. Her eyes hurt, she blinks them, and blurly ceiling tiles float over her.

“Mommy! Mommy! You’re awake!” A squirming blonde toddler tried to escape the lap she’s in, but was held tight.

“You really awake or are you going to pass out again. Hush, baby, mommy needs some space.”

“But she needs kisses to feel better!” 

“Okay, one big one.” 

Reenie lifts the girl over the bed railing so a big sloppy kiss could be planted on Zandy’s cheek.

“There! Better, mommy?”

“Much better, sweet pea. What happened?”

Her wife answered that one, standing with the anxious child on her hip.

“I’ll tell you. 2 weeks living on 1 meal a day and coffee. You became dehydrated and passed out in your office. Thank your lucky star it was during the day when someone could find you.

“This is why you have to eat your spinach. You could wind up in a hospital like mommy,” she instructs the child.

“Shoot! I knew I was pushing it.”

“Yeah, no shi-shining example of truth. Your pee was brown.”

“It was dark-ish.”

“The doctor said tan. 

“Any who, they’ll let you go as soon as you can eat.”

“Why not now?”

“Geez, why don’t they want to release the woman who nearly starved herself to death go?”

“I gotta potty.”

“Peri’s gotta potty?”

Zandy sat up and instantly regretted it.

“Oof! Mommy does too. Bad. Try to hurry?” She pleaded to her wife.

“Sure thing.” The blondes disappeared into the toilet, and Zandy gingerly felt her sex, sighing with relief that is was the same bisection flesh and fat as always. Now that she was aware of it, her over-filled bladder demanded her attention, but nothing with toddlers is fast. So she debated the wisdom of standing to reduce transfer time. The debate raged until the door opened.

“Your turn. Need help with the I.V.?”

“Nah, you’ve got your hands full.”

It was the longest, most satisfying leak she had ever taken, and she felt like a new man-woman afterwards.

She was able to cuddle her Per-Bear until Reenie returned with fast food for herself and their daughter, and Zandy ate the hospital food.

Deemed recovered, she was released near midnight. Nothing in hospitals move fast.

On the drive home, the kid slept (against her will), and Zandy attempted humor.

“So, you were right. I dreamed about you while I was passed out.”

“Naked, right?”

“That is your normal form. Although, you’re the one that stripped both of us.”

“I always have the pleasure.”

“Oh, it was horrible! I’m glad it was a dream. Now I can laugh about it.”

“Naked us, horrible, laughable. Nope. It’s not adding up.”

“I had a penis.”

“So I was having fun!”

“Yes, but I wasn’t.”

“You worry too much, and you can’t argue because we haven’t even gotten home yet.”

“Yeah, I have to listen now.”

“Yup. But why wouldn’t people listen to me?”

The brunette chuckled, “Because people don’t like sand in their bits!”

They stopped at a light, and a large man crossed the crosswalk. There was something familiar about him. Zandy studied him. Just as the light turned green, he turned.  _ The man from her dream!  _

“Floor it, Reenie!”

“What?”

“Go!”

“Wha-?!”

Off they flew into the night.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I did a bunch of crack and wrote this. Don't do Sherlock crack and write very immature adults that read my stuff, cause, better not be kids here. I ain't sitting you down and explaining sex. That's Reenie's job.


End file.
